John Hanna:
Just returned home after braving the absurd Armenian / Victoria St tourist melee.
Hundreds of people all milling around looking at nothing.
I sat and watched them, trying to fathom exactly what it was that was attracting them.
We all know about ‘that’ mural.
Ok, that’s an icon printed on their travel brochure as a ‘must see’.
Not sure why - but it just is.
After that, what are they doing?
There’s a fake rock band - A Bee Gees tape accompanied by some old guy banging on saucepans. They seem to like that.
Souvenir Postcards, T-Shirts and Tea Towels sporting the bicycle, so that they can take home a momento of their mindless adventure.
Countless hire bikes and peddle carts full of families sucking on poison ice blocks.
They giggle and gasp, seemingly unaware of the murderous impatience of the local drivers.
Not once did I see anyone actually looking at the buildings.
You know - the Heritage buildings. The beautiful street-scapes that are still lurking there behind the junk stalls, ice-cream banners and endless trash food outlets. They just blindly walk or ride straight passed the astonishing architecture in search of the next stupid mural or trinket stall.
So this is what a UNESCO World Heritage site should look like?
BUT - I have a SOLUTION
Seeing as how the old buildings, the old town, the historic enclaves, the culture, is all of no consequence to the great unwashed, then why not decentralise the abominable trash circus to a more suitable location and keep the town for people who appreciate its history and for the locals who live and work here?
The Government and their slutty Developer bed partners are about to reclaim 3 islands.
Perfect. Want to make some serious money guys out of the moronic tourist masses?
Turn the islands into Disneylands full of plastic, fake, neon garbage and start raking in the bucks.
Have a monorail over and connecting the mini Sentosa’s. Maybe even a road to one island, so that the totally car-obsessed can stay in air-conditioned comfort and actually drive right up to each trinket stall and buy their durian infused 3-Island’s cigarette lighter, directly through the car window.
No cars on the other two islands, just thousands of peddle carts bumping into each other. No need for any buildings, just concrete walls and bitumen paths. They’ll love it.
It’s time to get professional about exploiting the mindless masses. Much better to set up a fully fledged amusement park and fleece them properly. No one’s really making any serious money in George Town.
The exponential shift toward cheap, crass tourism is like a child being given a bucket load of money and spending it all on toys. In a few years time they’re left with hundreds of useless toys and no money to buy adult things with. It’s time George Town put a quota on its toys - the bicycles, the murals, the lolly pops, the novelty museums, the endless chain of unprofessional cafes and started promoting its history and unique architecture in a mature way.
It’s a UNESCO World Heritage site for God’s sake.